Archive for the ‘Psychology’ Category
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Wednesday, August 12th, 2009Conscious Language
How to Shift Consciousness
Thursday, August 6th, 2009What happens when we meditate? Everyone has their own unique experience based on a number of factors, including level of consciousness, amount of practice and ability to shift consciousness states.
We may begin by using the mind to convince ourselves that we are peaceful and have ‘positive thoughts’ or affirmations. This does have some effect but is often tedious and is inherently limited. The mind, in general, is the product of the ego. Thoughts emerge from an original ‘I thought’ or, in other words, ‘I am so and so, I am a limited being, I live in…, I am a teacher…’ etc. This is the backdrop consciousness from which all thoughts arise.
To have positive thoughts about this ‘limited (false) self’ to empty affirmations ’I am happy,’ ‘I am peace,’ etc. is utterly fruitless as long as the ‘I’, the inner self image, is based on identification with the body or anything limited, external and perishable. There is no real power until this false assumption that I am a body/person is transcended.
A person, a character in a play, cannot be an Ocean of Peace, unlimited consciousness or the embodiment of endless bliss, complete and perfect, free of all karmic bandages, eternal and constantly Divine.
The sense of ‘I am a human being’ traps us in a glass box where the ceiling is based on the limitations of human beings.
We are NOT limited human beings. We are eternal spiritual beings having an experience that includes the awareness of a human being. It includes the body, the role, but the one who is consciousness, from which the body arises, is beyond all limitations of the person perceived.
We simply need to drop this ‘human’ identity and allow the vastness of eternity to reveal itself in all its power. This is not something a human being can attain. It is what already exists eternally regardless of any external situations. It is not the ego mind thinking positive thoughts that brings this into existence. It is the nature of the eternal self.
Nothing need be done to make this happen. It is more a matter of moving the attention of the self away from the limiting lie that ‘I am a person’ to the underlying reality that the consciousness that I AM is eternal bliss already, constantly, eternally and is here now. That is as permanent and omnipresent as my true identity. Nothing except that remains throughout eternity. There is nothing to do – just release yourself from the one who is trying to meditate and open to what exists beyond the thoughts, beyond the constant shifting events of life. Life will happen by itself, so relax, let go and experience the full depth that is eternally present as yourself.
The true you has never done anything wrong and is constantly an embodiment of pure love.
Be free of the ego…
Monday, January 26th, 2009What is the ‘ego’? How does it operate in our lives? How can we transcend the ego? These are all very important questions that deserve in-depth consideration because, as most on the spiritual path know, the whole game is the game of the ego.
However, I don’t want to bore you with yet another theoretical discourse on the ego – but rather take this subject head on as an experiential reality. Those on a conscious spiritual journey will inevitably take up this topic again and again and shed more light on this fascinating, profound and cunning illusion that constantly effects our lives and even our dreams.
Firstly, we need to clarify what is meant by ‘the ego,’ as there are innumerable interpretations of this word in different traditions. The definition of the ego being used for the purpose of this article is as follows: The ego is a mechanism that creates ‘personal identification with anything limited or external.’
What this definition means practically, is that, when we consider our sense of ‘Self’ or ‘Me’ as anything whatsoever to do with what we can see, feel, sense, hear etc. (including people, places, possessions or even ideas), then we are acting/operating from the point of view of the ego. The ego limits our experience of ourselves as unlimited beings, pure consciousness, into an experience of the false self, the limited ‘i’ (the little ‘i’). Its job is to make us very short sighted. It turns us into children who can’t see beyond limited pleasures of now into the future. Little children do not understand the length of an hour, the ego does not understand eternity.
If our sense of ‘I’ or ‘Me’ is based on anything limited and temporary, then we are in the grasp of the ego, the false self, the limited self, the non-self illusion. The basic and undeniable fact is the body you perceive to have now as you read, and all that is associated with it, will die and end one day. This is a fact of life.
The ego does not like us to think of this. It prefers we think we will always be young, that we will always have a certain job or status and does not accept the fact that there is an end to all that it is based upon. It is like a cancer that relies on the host to exist and grow, then destroys the host and, ironically, dies itself.
The ego is a mechanism that condenses the experience of an eternal, unlimited being that is innately free and boundless, into the personified experience of ‘i’ or ‘me’ as a set of limitations such as: ‘I am so and so, I live in Hawaii, I like oranges, I am a mediator, I am good at x, I don’t like y, This is ‘my’ work, ‘my’ ideas, ‘my’ blog, these are my clothes, my wife, my children, I had various problems as a child, I went to this school, etc. etc. etc… Every one of these statements is a statement from the ego. The ‘Real You’ is unlimited and cannot be defined by such things in space and time. The Self is eternal. How can the Self ever be any of the limited experiences that come and go like clouds in the eternal sky?
The witness of life’s events is not the events or the sum total of the events. The real Self is eternally stable and outlasts all events and changes – it goes on after the death of the body. Nothing can destroy the true Self. Like the screen that a movie is played on does not get burnt when there is an image of fire, nor does it get wet when an ocean is projected, in the same way, the witness, the constant Self, is separate from the projections of light and exists aside from all the day to day experiences of the character on the screen, the limited self, the experience.
When someone addresses You as a person, bodily image or a human being on the screen, they are not addressing You* (the eternal being of light, who is far more than the sum of the bits and pieces of the person), they are addressing a character in a play, the limited, non-self. The ego is the mechanism that claims what is essentially ‘just happening’ as ‘me’. It says ‘I did it, this is MINE, I am this’, like claiming a cloud to be ‘mine’ just because you have been watching it move across the skyline for a while. In Reality, everything simply happens.
Lets test this.
If you were to be fully aware of the clear distinction between the One who is eternally you (the Presence, the Spirit) and the body/ego/’i', then you would never take offense at anything anyone said, nor would you be upset by ‘failure’, or excited by ’success’. It is all just happening on the screen of consciousness and You remain eternally the same. Nothing is lost nor gained. Everything is perfect just as it is.
From a truly spiritual point of view, as an eternal being, everything that happens is seen as an entertainment, as no more than a cartoon show. From this state of freedom and non-attachment, you are living in Grace, in the lap of the Divine, you are seeing life as it really is… a divine play. Not good, not bad, it just is.
Ask yourself: How often do I have this experience? How often do I experience the Divine Flow, the Eternal Presence or Pure Grace? In this state, you feel that everything is happening by its own hand, where there is a clearly visible perfection that runs through everything, effortlessly and permanently…you are relaxed, you can let go and allow, you are an instrument, you need nothing and have attained everything. This state is to be free of the ego.
Everything else is tainted by the limitations of the ego. To feel ‘I am doing this’, ‘Why is this happening?’, ‘This is my duty, this is my thing’, ‘I own this,’ etc. - all of this is the ego. It is the limited sense of self trying to take charge of life and pretending to exist as a temporary hologram – and nothing more. Things are happening and will continue to happen regardless of your claim that ‘I did it’.
Stop for a moment now.
Notice that your experience is constant. Try and see if you can stop doing anything. If you are really the one who is doing it, then you will also be able to stop doing it.
Try for yourself right now. Try to stop your doing, your thinking. If you are really the creator, then you will be able to stop your creation now at will…
Do you notice something inside of you is at work, planning, seeing, thinking…? That is the ego at work… It is on a mission to get things, to achieve, to feed itself. The one who watches silently is who you are. The stronger you identify with That, the more free you will be.
Know the ego by its incessant drive to get something ‘better’ in the never present future at the expense of the experience of the Now. Only Now can you experience who you are. Only Now in this moment can you open up to the Grace of God. Only Now can you be free.
To understand this more, here are some famous passages from the Ribhu Gita, taught by Sri Ramana Maharishi. Read them slowly and with enjoyment…
The Power of Choice
Saturday, January 10th, 2009
So much of our behaviour is driven by the subconscious mind. Our habits, patterns and moods are largely unconscious activities. This means most of us remain slaves to our histories and the patterns we’ve acquired along the way.
This scenario is such a terrible waste of our greatest gift….the power to choose, the gift of free will.
Below are listed a number of affirmations that can help raise your consciousness to a point where you can reclaim the power to choose from the ‘patterned’ clutches of the subconscious mind. By daring to choose we bring the conscious mind into action. The purpose of the conscious mind is to decide the course of your life. The subconscious mind is meant to underpin and support those choices and decisions. On a daily basis, try reciting the following in order to exercise and develop the power of the conscious mind:
I choose for the rest of my life to believe in myself, my talents and abilities.
I choose for the rest of my life to be loving, kind and true to myself.
I choose for the rest of my life to embrace peace, happiness and joy.
I choose for the rest of my life to be clear, calm and confident.
I choose for the rest of my life to respect myself and to treat others with respect.
I choose for the rest of my life to find the jewel of benefit in every situation.
I choose for the rest of my life to learn from my mistakes.
I choose for the rest of my life to fly beyond the negative pull of anxiety and fear.
I choose for the rest of my life to keep finding and celebrating the good in me.
I choose for the rest of my life to let go of the past and live happily in the now.
I choose for the rest of my life to listen to my heart and decide with my head.
I choose for the rest of my life to fully accept, love and forgive myself.
I choose for the rest of my life … choice!
Spend some time coming up with ‘I choose’ statements. The more you build a vocabulary around choice the more you will claim the ultimate prize. You are the major shareholder in your life but you need to choose that position, otherwise the anarchy in the boardroom (the subconscious mind) will continue. So use these suggestions but make time to develop your own.
The more you find ‘I choose’ statements that fit you, the more empowered you will become. This exercise is best conducted at a time when you can be still. Five or ten minutes is enough to get you started. Make the decision today to choose this way of thinking every day and within two to three months your choices will come looking for you!
Discerning the Right Way to Support Another
Saturday, December 6th, 2008It’s not easy to help someone help themselves. Even good intentions can be inappropriate. And sometimes we realise we are the ones who need supporting first.
In the material world where we learn to believe that love, peace and happiness are externally sourced experiences, the trapdoors of addiction and dependency lie in wait around every corner. An increasing number lose themselves in some form of regular stimulation, which can eventually rule and perhaps ruin their life. As a result many of us now have within our circles of families and friends, colleagues and acquaintances, someone who has fallen prey to some form of substance abuse and are fast becoming addicts. Gradually, and often quite suddenly, not only do they appear to change physically in front of our eyes, their personality also seems to deteriorate. What was once a positive, happy and enthusiastic person becomes a depressed and often angry character, more inclined towards isolation or the company of those who have also fallen prey to similar dependencies.
It’s hard not to suffer as we watch them suffer, as we ‘feel’ for them. It’s often hard not to become occasionally resentful at how they have changed. It’s hard not to want to rescue them and try to restore them to their former selves. But there are not only many traps in attempting to do so, there can be subtle costs that we may have to incur if we go down the road of the ‘rescuer’.
These are few of the many factors that are worthy of consideration when we find ourselves in such a position where a close friend or member of our family is on a downward spiral due to some form of addiction or dependency.
They need strength and you cannot give strength if you are weak As we watch them in pain, it’s as if we feel their pain and, as a consequence, we are in pain ourselves. Sometimes this is called empathy, but it’s not, it’s coming out in sympathy. It means we are suffering alongside them. And a suffering person cannot be strong for the other, they cannot empower the other. In fact, if we suffer alongside the suffering of another, we too need help.
They may be sustaining their addiction and hopelessness because they know you will worry
This is usually more obvious to someone outside the relationship. Often the other person’s deterioration into some form of addiction is subconscious because they know that it will induce a response/reaction in us. They simply want attention, probably yours. Or because they know you will suffer when they suffer. This can be their way of trying to punish you or make you feel guilty for whatever reason. Although the descent can begin this way, once ‘addictive momentum’ has been gathered it may turn into frequent expressions of, “Oh God what have I done”. And their guilt only adds to the momentum.
Our negative image of them empowers their negative self image
It is obvious that anyone who becomes addicted to any substance or form of stimulation has a negative self-image, which is generating negative and painful emotions. This suffering is alleviated by whatever they have become addicted to. As we watch them deteriorate, the image we have of them can easily become a negative one. We then transmit that image to them as if to affirm they are right about themselves. This of course is the last thing they need if they are to find the strength to reverse their self-sabotage. It is now well recorded that the most effective way to help young people with low self-esteem is through personal mentoring. It is the mentor’s unconditional positive regard that helps them break their habit of seeing themselves in such a negative light.
You can never know exactly why they are abusing their body with addictive or harmful substances
There is of course something significant going on within the consciousness of the addict. Trying to understand it can take us into many psychiatric theories and spiritual explanations. All of which will likely have some truth. But, in fact, they don’t really help in a practical way. What probably matters most is a completely non-judgmental approach where ‘they’ feel they are not being condemned or assessed, not being blamed or having their behaviours justified by someone else. Their need is only for unconditional support and, even then, they may ‘appear’ to reject it. But the rejecting is often a ‘testing’ in disguise. They are trying to see if your support is genuinely unconditional, and they are waiting for you to lapse back into assessment and judgment so they can say, “I knew it, you don’t really care about me, you just care about what I am doing”.
True love doesn’t interfere but it allows the ‘other’ to go where they will go
This is a tough one because love is not always sweetness and light. Love is also not entanglement and it is easy to become entangled (if we are not already) with someone who we perceive to be in this kind of ‘trouble’. Our intention to give help is likely to be mixed within a web of expectations and desires. We forget love has no expectation. Love does not desire. But sometimes we give people too much help in the name of love when, in reality, it is coming from our personal desire and expectation. More often their immediate need was just for the power of our good wishes that can give them a ‘lift’ at a crucial moment. This will require our capacity to remember we cannot ‘make’ them do anything, we cannot control their behaviour. And yet we can have an influence over their decisions and direction. But before that can happen they need to deeply feel we are not attempting to ‘fix’ them. Not easy if they are ‘close’ and have been for some time.
Ultimately we have no choice but to leave them to work out their own situations. Sometimes they need to sink deeper to realize the futility of their path and perhaps develop their own distaste for the experience. Maybe they need to hit rock bottom to learn the essential lessons that are unique to them in order to find their own inner strength. While true love is always present as support and availability, it allows them to go in a direction that we might never choose. It is after all their life and their destiny is in their hands. This does of course require a measure of ‘detachment’, but it is neither uncaring nor cold, simply the ability to not suffer with, but empathise with, and be there for them. The teenager who is obviously setting out on a path of addiction requires much time and energy to talk through their decisions and to hear the wisdom of another but, ultimately, they will still make their own decisions.
They serve to mirror something in you
Relationship is our mirror. And as we look in the mirror of a loved one who is deteriorating in our midst we may see our sadness about them, our occasional anger towards them, and our fear for them, as they spiral downwards. They serve to show us our own vulnerability, they reflect our inclination to become ‘attached’, which itself is a sign of addiction and dependency. For sure we are taught to believe that these emotions (sadness/anger/fear) are natural in the presence of other’s sadness/anger/fear. We are so accustomed to their appearance that it’s hard to imagine life without them. And yet it is the attempt to mask and blot out such feelings that attracts us towards some form of relief, it is the alleviation of such emotional suffering that lies at the root of using any stimulant or addictive substance in the first place. It is the intensity of these insufferable emotions that has us all reaching for our own forms of ‘alleviation’ from TV to caffeine, from a position with power to a special relationship, from following our team to following a guru. Addictions and dependencies are not exclusive to a few and they come in many forms. It’s just that the vast majority are now ‘socially acceptable’!
The cause of their suffering is not an addiction to a substance, it is an internal disconnection to their true nature that is temporarily repaired by the stimulant
The deepest, and some would call the ‘spiritual viewpoint’, reminds us that at the core of human consciousness is our true and eternal nature, which is pure love, deep peace, and a blissful contentment. The ‘insperience’ of these states of being are lost when we learn to ‘believe’ there is only a physical/material reality. Physical/sensual stimulations do trigger an inner reconnection with those states as they open a brief pathway back into our true nature. But it can only be temporary, hence the addiction. The more permanent ways back are traditionally recognised as various forms of contemplation, meditation and deep inward reflection. With sustained practice these methods reveal the ideas and beliefs that are generating the mental and emotional suffering, as illusions. There are, of course, hundreds of such beliefs that will eventually stimulate painful emotions from inside out. The most common include beliefs such as ‘success is acquisition’ and ‘your happiness lies somewhere in the future’ and ‘you have to work hard to earn respect’ and ‘what you see in the bathroom mirror in the morning is you’ and ‘money is the measure of your self worth’. When enough of these beliefs are learned and assimilated over time they will eventually generate misery as they go against the grain of what is true. And it’s that misery that will have us all, at some stage, reaching for something to alleviate the darkness of our ‘inner emotional clouds’.
Question: What do you think is the best way to be of support towards someone who is in a process of spiraling into a serious addiction?
Reflection: What are you dependent upon in a mildly addictive way and what do you see as the emotions you are attempting to mask or alleviate?
Action: Generate and transmit the power of good wishes from someone you know this week.
If you would like to respond to the above or clarify any of the content contact mike@relax7.com
